Dunder Mifflin Publishing Grand Opening!

I’m thrilled to announce our new publishing venture, Dunder Mifflin Publishing, Ltd.

At Dunder Mifflin, we’re looking for the absolute best and brightest talent around. Whether you are new to publishing or are looking for somewhere for your backlist, please consider DM.

Our mission is speed. From manuscript to electronic product in a week! You get to choose your own cover from twenty unique, lovely designs, which we will customize to your title at NO CHARGE to you. Because, of course, we are NOT a vanity publisher. Your book will be available online for purchase within a week! Tired of those pesky edits? No worries! At DM, we know that you hate edits and won’t agree to anything we recommend. Hey, we don’t have time for them anyway, what with the business to run.

Your book will not only be available in all electronic formats, but will be available in most markets as a trade paperback (this only applies to manuscripts in a really big font).

What we are NOT looking for: clowns, cowboys, vampires, demons, demon hunters, demon hunter wannabees, historicals before 500 BCE, Finnish poetry, and cookbooks. If it has sex, or pushes any envelope at all (don’t even care what kind of envelope), it’s for us.

And remember, publication is just a week away, because we don’t edit, our covers are ready to go, and we know you want to get published so you don’t care about anything! (Because of the speed of publication, we don’t even have time for contracts.)

Want to see some of our titles and our submission guidelines?

Okay, so I’m no Mrs. Giggles. ;o)

The Self-Annointed

I’m having one of those “look away, I’m hideous and about to rant and whine” days. Okay, just removed my entire post. I’ll leave it a mystery. I’m just sick of know-it-alls. Who end their posts with “nuff said.” I feel better, and I didn’t even behave badly. Well, I did, but I erased it.

Anything you’ve thought about tackling, then chickened out?

New York or Bust! Or Not?

Couldn’t resist this “Smells Like Teen Spirit” shot after reading a number of epublishing rants/raves in the last few days. When I first joined Romance Divas, I was already “epublished,” and a little put out by folks who didn’t consider epublishing “real” publishing. A lot of those people have since signed contracts with small/epresses. Why did they do it? Because they thought epublishing was easier to break into? It was definitely the case then, and probably still is. So despite everything we say about epublishing, like Angie James’s eloquent blog today, what are the differences between New York and small, mostly electronic publishing houses? I know Angie is doing a survey on epublishing earnings. We hear of a people making six figure salaries in epublishing, but that talk usually garners a lot of virtual eye rolling.

I’m interested in hearing from writers and readers. Anonymously if needs be. Why did you submit to an epublisher, rather than to New York? Was your book rejected by New York because it didn’t fit a rigid plan? Was it–gasp–not good enough, but picked up by an epublisher? Have you given up your plans of being published by a mainstream NY company? Are you fine with your books in trade format rather than mass market? Do you want to see your name on a book in Target? Have you been bitten on the arse by one of the recent closings of small presses, and now you’re holding out for something…better? Is epublishing a training ground for you? Or are you charting out a career for yourself in this brave new world?

Readers–where do you buy your books? Do you consider epublishing titles as good as the ones you pick up in Barnes and Noble?

Spring Brain Cleaning

I’ve cleaned the closets, gotten rid of size 6s and 8s that I don’t fit into (actually threw them out instead of having them mock me from the top shelf), bought all new bedding and curtains, and filed my taxes. I’ve cleaned out drawers, cleaned off the porch, and have been perusing wildflower seeds…

Spring fever. Got it bad.

Writing? Um, yeah, not so much. My last contracted work comes out April 29, and I’m um, thinking about my WIPs. I’ve revisited one chapter at least twenty times, still dissatisfied with the voice. My brain wants a big spring cleaning, and I’m working on that.

How about you? Do you go through seasonal change binges? Does it affect your tastes in reading and writing?

Fighting Alzheimer’s With Terry Practchett

If I go on too long about one of my favorite authors in the world, I’ll cry and cry and at work, that just ain’t good. Instead, I’ll post this, and tell you that the genius fantasy satirist is donating a million dollars for research. To learn more about the marvelous fund drive, click here.

“Ladies and Gentlemen. My name is Terry Pratchett, author of a series of inexplicably successful fantasy books and I have had Alzheimer’s now for the past two years plus, in which time I managed to write a couple of bestsellers. I have a rare variant. I don’t understand very much about it, but apparently if you are going to have Alzheimer’s it’s a good one to have. So, a stroke of luck there then…
and from the end
I’d like a chance to die like my father did—of Cancer, at 86. (Remember, I’m speaking as a man with Alzheimer’s, which strips away your living self a bit at a time). Before he went to spend his last two weeks in a hospice he was bustling around the house, fixing things. He talked to us right up to the last few days, knowing who we were and who he was. Right now, I envy him. And there are thousands like me, except that they don’t get heard.

So let’s shout something loud enough to hear. We need you and you need money. I’m giving you a million dollars. Spend it wisely.”

Love An Editor Day!

So I’m starting my own tradition. I pronounce March 19 Love An Editor Day!

We have all had editors we really didn’t like, they done us wrong, etc. Maybe they really done us right. Ones that have left the business, ones that became writers themselves, ones that were with companies that folded. Or maybe they had to go back to working full time (I miss you L2).

I could thank a slew of editors, but today I want to show my love for Bethany Morgan. I think she must be a serial killer in real life, because no one is this nice. No one. She’s the Mother Teresa of small press publishing. And she has some kind of freaking mental encyclopedia of both the most arcane facts and the most important ones. I mean, come on now. “Did you actually mean to say Post-Classic Mayan building? Because according to x,y,z expert, it’s really late Classic…” Oy. Vey.

Then she does things like “I love your writing! I love this book! Here, let’s write the blurb! Hey, how about those excerpts? Oh, I love the ones you picked out!” Sounds corny, right? Until you get the note to enrich a relationship, add some depth, tie up loose ends, stop repeating yourself. Tough. Love. Not together, but separate. Oh, lest I forget: “This would make a great prize to go with your book! I found it on eBay!”

Folks, I dare anyone to come up with a better editor than Bethany Morgan. Go ahead. Show an editor your love, do it right here!

Where in the World is Ciar Cullen?

Check it out. This photo is from 1880, in Alexandria, Egypt. How cool is that? And you know, of course, because you’re so worldly, that this is the obelisk that ended up in Central Park, NY. I went to see this on my 50th birthday. Well, actually I went to dinner in NY and insisted we visit this just because… and now it’s in a book of mine (a work in progress). Just because I saw it. I’m driven by visuals. By travel. A vacation in Key West turns into a book called Key West Magic. Many vacations in Mexico, combined with some archaeology background, turn into my Mayan Nights/Mayan Secrets books. I still haven’t taken full advantage of living in Greece for eight years. But it’s in there, waiting to come out.

There are so many reasons to go away. I know, it’s expensive, but little trips (like a $15 roundtrip ticket to Manhattan) can do a lot for you. Whether you are a writer or not, a change of scenery gives shakes up your perspective. This year Moose and I will likely just go to the shore again (what they call a beach in New Jersey for no reason I can figure out). But even there… A cozy bed and breakfast, the sunrise on the beach, an old couple strolling along the boardwalk… Gotta get out from behind that computer and live! My goal for the spring and summer. How about you??? Are you living behind a computer screen? Or a TV screen?

But They Were So Nice When the Company Opened!

So the semi-monthly thread about troubles at a small press surfaced. I don’t know nuthin about NCP, so I won’t comment on that.

But I have a theory about why writers are consistently surprised when their company goes south. Especially when everyone else (at least those who have been around a while) might not be so surprised. I started blogging on Lauren Dane’s blog, and decided I needed to move my little diatribe here.

New authors are, by and large, a bit (or severely in my case) insecure. So a warm and fuzzy family feeling with a ton of atta-girls and “oh, oh, submit this that and the other thing right away” feels really, really good. Someone likes me! I’m published! A new writer looks for the wrong stuff. Of course hopefully one will find that a well run operation can also have a “heart” and will promote your work and support your efforts, but truth be told, you’ll be doing a lot of the supporting of yourself and them.

Get your warm and fuzzies from your friends, fellow authors, and communities like Romance Divas. Get your paychecks, covers, edits, and emails from your publishing house. And make sure you give the companies who treat you well the respect and profesionalism–and the “atta-girls!”–they deserve.

It’s really easy to say “you’re a great writer, sign this contract!” It’s really hard to run a good company. Sometimes a good company is going to say “This isn’t quite right, put some more blood, sweat and tears into it.” They might say “This isn’t for us at all.” Or they might hate your cover idea! Perhaps your editor is a little blunt.

I’ve learned so much about myself these last few years. The editors and publishing companies that have helped me the most are those run in a businesslike manner, and while they have not gone out of their way to make me feel bad in any way, they don’t pander to my insecurities. They do their best to create the best product possible.

We, the writers, are in charge of our insecurities. Triskelion was very warm and fuzzy at first. Guess how insecure I felt when that crap went down? And how long the feeling lasted? I still question the adequacy of every damned thing I write because of that experience, and am just coming out of it.

Trust what people do, not what they say.

Whoops, I Did It Again, But I Undid It

I don’t know what it’s called, but Madison Avenue does. Maybe the impulse reaction? I recently dragged myself through emotional mud writing a novella that was…okay. It was targeted at a new line…okay, it was for Nocturne Bites. I could not finish it–about 500 words from the end. I simply did not give a rat’s ass about the story. After much wringing of hands and conversations with my crit partner, I deleted the thing from my computer, and along with it, something I had started as a regular Nocturne submission.

The question I ponder now isn’t why did I delete them, but why did I start them in the first place? To submit to a company I don’t even read, to a category genre I don’t even like? I thought it would be a good way to “break in,” whatever that means. But it’s like breaking into a butcher shop when you’re a vegetarian.

There’s a knee-jerk reaction to calls for submissions that I bet a lot of romance writers feel. Oh, maybe I can do one of those! Sure, you may be able to. But do you want to? Really? Was that on your plan for the year? Didn’t you say you want to write longer, deeper, richer, more involved books? Break out of the box a bit? Take a chance, go for broke?

Sigh, le big sigh. Anyone else ever do this?

I Want to Mimeograph Something

If you are my age or older, and probably if you’re a woman, you know the smell of mimeo inking fluid. Yes, children, that was how you made copies before there were copiers. Gasp! Really, mommy, there was a world without copiers? Yes, without copiers, or scanners, or the freaking need to get rid of freaking dial-up and change to a new freaking address and find every little spot your old email address is embedded and search and destroy.

I mean, yes, honey. And if you made a typing mistake on this mimeo thingey, you got to use mimeo correction fluid, which was a way of just filling in the hole the typewriter had made. That had a different smell.
What’s a typewriter, mommy?

It’s a thing with keys and well, type. You banged on paper with ink on the end of keys that swung up and with mixed precision bonked a letter onto the page. If you needed just one or two copies, you could put carbon paper in between the pages. Oh, and then they created an electric typewriter so you could make mistakes really, really fast. And then they created one with all the type on a little ball that would spin around. I still have one of those. They are all the words in the English language in one place. Just not unscrambled.

Was that the first writing mommy? Oh, no, sweetheart. People have been pounding on stone for a long, long time. Sometimes with a deer antler. Sometimes they pushed little things like keys into clay. Those were the Sumerians, and they got so tired they all died.

I need to borrow some freaking 14-year-old to make this damned transition for me. Can I tell you how long it took me to get rid of my damned AOL toolbar, which I never meant to have in the first place? What’s the deal with toolbars, anyway? Who the hell uses those? Oh, and I tried to get rid of my Norton so I could install my free McAffee, but the Norton didn’t go away quickly enough and was fighting the McAffee and everything just went to hell in a handbasket for a while.

I made a deal with my husband. New Jersey just made it illegal to use a cell phone with your hands. I don’t know how to use one without my hands, and I don’t have the damned widgets needed to make it happen. I want to go back to driving without talking. So no hands-free widgets. No phone calls. No blackberry, blueberry, dingleberry.

I’ve done well for a 50-year-old adaptable, hip, you’d never know it kinda gal. But today, I hit the wall. I’d like to be able to make some copies on a mimeograph machine.