I’m definitely going through some turning-50 thing. One week I decide that I want to shift gears a bit in my writing. The next, I read these rules for women over 40:
“If you’re over 40 there are certain things you should never wear — no matter what. That’s the word from fashion guru Tim Gunn, who serves as the mentor on the hit reality series ‘Project Runway’ that premiered on Bravo in 2004. When Gunn was a guest on the ‘Oprah’ show, he laid down the law to the over-40 crowd. If you’re over 40, you should never wear:
1. Horizontal stripes
2. Jackets that hit at mid-thigh
3. Pleated pants
4. Double-breasted blazers
5. Capri-length pants
6. Low-rise jeans”
Okie dokie. I’m not real fond of polka dots or horizontal stripes. I look like a clown in both. Jackets that hit at mid-thigh sorta went out a while back. I don’t wear “blazers.” Not wearing my capris? Ahem. Sorry, Mr. Fashion. Think again. Not wearing low rise jeans? And give my newly acquired pillow hips room to breathe? I gotta think about that one.
I am giving myself a fashion gift starting August 6. I revert back to my black artsy shit, and no one gets to say anything about it without a right hook to the schnoz. I will wear purple when I’m an old lady, damn it. Okay, not purple, but anything that suits me.
Anyone under 40? Under 30? Don’t listen to any of this crap. Except that “don’t wear white pumps” thing unless it’s your wedding day. That one counts.